..we were looking away from each other and I would have stepped out. But she puts her hand on my hand… tight. And it felt like time went in reverse to stop the wrong. Felt like I got a second chance, like I was saved. I still dont want to shed my ego. Whereas tears were coming out of her eyes, though not falling on my skin but I felt that rain of ‘please understand, please dont do this’.
Sunlight, wind, smiles, temptation, flowers… love is only the joy side of a relationship. Dare to go through pain is what hold two together.
Leaving is not courage, neither carrying ego is. Our sissy personality cover us with these postulates, when we fail to accept.
I dont know how much strong is needed to become that courageous that we can flood our cowardness and ego with tears and forgiveness.
If you can’t do it, hold on to one whose will is strong enough to walk on that path.
Accept that you are not grown up.
But that will also be tough. Because your ego won’t let you accept any failure. Instead you fill yourself with more rage and go blind.
But I am lucky, I have her. She is the courageous one. You can see wings of angel in these moments. She cover you in those strong winds which you know in your heart, is not because you are flying like a superman but about to blow yourself, as your pseudo ego house of cards.
She knew how I am, but she simply accepts me with all my behavioral deformations.
She said, she is with me and will always be with me.
And I always keep on doubting our relationship. She is stubborn but that she be to stay together, whatever happens. And I often gibe her for even no reasons.
How many times I need to hear that that she is with me. Or maybe I am in misbelief that she won’t leave me.
If I see myself and assume majority of sour relationships have male leads like me, their masculinity is a stamp only on their feminine thinking. It is carrying a stud skin and shrugging their shoulders like they have dropped all responsibilities only for her.
But underneath I cry. I want it all, I want dominance and when it comes to fixing the worse, I want her wing’s cover all over me.
It won’t run like this. If I am a man, she is woman. Whatever I have, she has. We may be more or less on some, but ultimate contribution in all matters is equal.
I realize this after our argument. I realize that leaving people and situations are not only my proprietary.
Less patience, results less determination and more patience to more. And which she has more than me.
It is becoming a habit of mine now. I can’t tell if I am improving or sliding down. But I have faith in her and miracles.
Times like such taught me that relationships are not big, long and heavy responsibilities. It’s the moments that you simply live. Touché!! we, instead choose to die in. What a courageous girl she is, she hold my hand not for her but for me, saving me from falling into abyss.
I can tell, whatever catastrophes that my brain was exhausted of, was same in her as well. But she kept her presence in the moment and bravely choose to live. She first kept her consciousness and then she came to rescue me. Her emotions were wounded more than me. I was week and choose to die in that moment but she chose to live. And our relationship lives.
